Door Dodge app analytics for January 18

Do us a solid on the way down and help us dodge any debris and pesky whistleblowers (bummer we can’t make them disappear!), while snagging some lucrative government contracts. We’ll throw some complimentary pretzels down for your trip. Thanks a million! Look, have YOU ever built a plane? It’s difficult to keep all the sky thingies in one piece! Whatever! Sorry for the inconvenience of being sucked out of the plane midflight (we warned you to buckle your seatbelt!). But hey, while you’re plunging to your eventual destination, do us a favor and help keep our door safe from FAA regulators, jerkface whistleblowers, unfavorable press, and any other annoying distractions that might compromise our bottom line. Keep that door free from hitting any of those evil conspiratorial forces, and pick up a few government contracts along the way, okay? That’s still Boing property, and yes, we’d prefer to reattach it at some point (cost savings). The shareholders appreciate your sacrifice. Have a pleasant flight and thanks for flying Boing airlines!